If you are considering using surrogacy to have a baby, you probably have many questions about this multi-step process. In this blog, we want to describe some of the essential information you should understand as you research your options, including:
- Learning surrogacy terms
- Recognizing if surrogacy might work for you
- Building your surrogacy team
- Finding a surrogate
- Bonding during surrogacy
- Understanding legal information
Learn Surrogacy Terms
Some of the most common terms prospective parents need to know include the following:
- Surrogate mother:A woman who carries a baby for intended parents either as a gestational carrier or as a traditional surrogate.
- Gestational carrier: A woman who carries a baby for intended parents but has no genetic or biological relationship to the child. She does not use her own eggs.
- Gestational surrogate: Another description of a gestational carrier
- Intended parents (IPs): The individuals who will become parents through surrogacy.
- Gestational surrogacy: The most common type of surrogacy arrangement in the United States, where the woman who carries the child is not biologically related.
- Traditional surrogacy:The surrogate mother provides the egg and is inseminated with either the sperm of the intended father or a sperm donor. She carries the baby to term and is biologically related to it.
- Compassionate surrogacy:The surrogate mother is not compensated for the ‘time and effort’ she puts into the surrogacy process. Usually, a compassionate surrogate mother is a family member or friend. New York state and Canada, for example, only allow compassionate surrogacy.
- Third-party reproduction:Reproduction requiring a third party like an egg donor, sperm donor or embryo donor
Recognize if Surrogacy Makes Sense for You
Surrogacy makes parenthood possible for many different types of parents, including:
- Same-sex male couples who need both a gestational carrier and an egg donor
- Heterosexual couples who have struggled with infertility
- Single heterosexual or gay men
- Single heterosexual women or lesbians
- International parents who live in countries that do not legally recognize surrogacy for either heterosexual or same-sex individuals or both
Build Your Surrogacy Team
Surrogacy is a team effort and requires the expertise of several professionals to help make your dream of parenthood comes true. Some of the specialists you will need include:
- Surrogacy agency administrators that will help you find and match with a surrogate mother as well as ensure your surrogacy journey goes smoothly
- Social worker or mental health professional (MHP) who will evaluate the surrogate mother, her partner, and the egg donor, if you are using one. The MHP will determine if all individuals involved in the process are emotionally prepared for the surrogacy experience. They also may evaluate the intended parents or be a resource to discuss emotional issues.
- Assisted reproductive attorney who can represent either the intended parents or the surrogate mother and egg donor. The IPs, the surrogate mother, and egg donor will have different lawyers.
- In vitro fertilization (IVF) doctor and other members of the clinical team who will manage the clinical procedures.
- Gestational carrier is the woman who will carry your baby.
- Egg donor (if needed)
Every member of the team plays an integral role in ensuring that your surrogacy journey will be successful. The surrogacy agency will help you find a qualified surrogate mother and manage the surrogate pregnancy until the baby is born. The mental health professional will make sure that everyone is psychologically ready and can navigate issues that may arise. The assisted reproductive attorneys will represent the legal interests of their clients. The surrogacy doctor and staff at the chosen fertility clinic work towards achieving a pregnancy.
Finding a Surrogate
Most intended parents find a gestational carrier by using a surrogacy agency.
There are many surrogacy agencies located in states that have favorable surrogacy laws. Some have been in existence for decades, while others are newly established. You should thoroughly vet them as you would for hiring any valuable professional service.
The surrogacy agency will recruit, screen, and match you to a surrogate mother as well as manage all aspects of the surrogate journey until birth. Its professional staff should be skilled in finding the most qualified women to create the best possible match, especially in terms of personalities and expectations, between the future parents and the surrogate mother and her partner.
Some intended parents find their surrogate mothers by matching independently, without the help of an agency. In theses cases, they may benefit by saving money by not using an intermediary, though many experts consider this a riskier approach since finding and screening gestational carriers is complex. Even though the agency will be screening the surrogate for the match, the match will not be complete until the surrogate is medically screened and passes, ideally by the treating fertility physician.
Bonding During Surrogacy
One of the most common misconceptions about surrogacy is that the surrogate mother will bond with the baby she is carrying and want to keep it after the birth.
Surrogate mothers are committed to caring for the baby during pregnancy as they would if they were carrying their own children. One of the main reasons many women become surrogate mothers is to develop a relationship with the intended parents and to help them fulfill their IPs’ dreams of parenthood.
The baby’s birth is an extremely emotional moment and the culmination of months and, perhaps, years when the surrogate mother and the intended parents worked together to bring the little one into the world. For the surrogate mother, transferring the baby to his or her parents is the emotional release she was looking for when she decided to become a gestational surrogate.
Moms via surrogacy might be concerned they won’t bond with their babies once they are born. Some may be surprised to learn that moms through surrogacy can breastfeed their babies. It takes preparation and determination but is worth the effort for moms who want to experience the intimacy of breastfeeding their child and create a special body-to-body connection.
Understanding the Surrogacy Legal Process
Protecting the legal rights of parents-to-be and surrogate mothers is one of the most important aspects of a successful surrogacy.
California is one of the most surrogate-friendly states in the nation and is a favorable legal environment for heterosexual and gay intended parents, which is codified in legislation. Same-sex males can have their names on their babies’ birth certificates.
Many other states, such as Colorado, Nevada, Connecticut, and Georgia, to name a few, also make it easy legally for intended parents to obtain parental rights.
New York, Louisiana, and Michigan have unfavorable laws for compensated surrogacy.
Intended parents and the gestational carrier need separate legal counsel for developing the surrogacy contract. The surrogacy contract will outline obligations, compensation, communication, and other terms that will satisfy what both parties want from this agreement.
Delivering a healthy baby into the arms of their parents is the main goal for all involved. A surrogacy contract is an important tool for ensuring that all parties’ legal rights are upheld as well as for minimizing conflict between them.
Surrogacy is a family building method that brings joy to thousands of new parents a year. It is life-changing for them and the wonderful women who help create new life for intended mothers and fathers who would not otherwise have this opportunity.
Future parents need to weigh the pros and cons of surrogacy to see if it is right for them. The HRC Fertility team is available to help with this important decision.